LONDON, UK – Perhaps you were partying in Tijuana or trekking in the Himalayas this summer and met an amusing, charismatic person who you were immediately attracted to? You added them on Facebook, saw their profile pic and realised… you hooked up with a hockey player.
What do you mean you didn’t know hockey players were at the party?
This is pretty cool you tell yourself, and then your friends. Tickets for the season opener are arranged, excitement builds and a new world is ready to open up to you.
But before you get too ahead of yourself there are a few things you need to know about your potential boyfriend/girlfriend. Do not say you weren’t warned.
Here is the Pro Hockey News guide to some of those burning questions that may crop up.
Why are there so many sticks in the car?
A valid question and obviously not all hockey players are the same; however it is useful for you to accept that the car is not only a means of travelling but also a storage unit. This includes 5ft sticks, spare shafts and in some cases for the injury prone, an emergency pair of crutches. Yes it will be difficult for you to get into the passenger seat at times, but these sticks tell the world that this is a hockey car, and if there is an extreme road rage event your partner is well prepared for any attacks.
Why does his/her hand smell sometimes?
Honey where did your teeth go?
Every hockey player has been there. That post game drink turns into a blossoming romance and as the hand strokes the face the expression changes. Just what is that smell?! It has a number of descriptions but ‘glove hand’ sums it up best. That sweating palm that has been working hard during the game whilst covered in fabric of the glove has not been sufficiently cleansed. Some people love the smell, others don’t.
Why is training late at night?
Ice is cheaper the later it is used so many teams train late at night. As much as you want them to skip training to do the things normal couples do like go to the pub, cinema or sit on the sofa watching reality TV, it’s not going to happen. No hockey player wants to lose their slot on the power play so that they can watch some fresh faced kid from Scotland ‘steal the heart of a nation’ whilst doing Robbie Williams covers.
Why are there so many games?
No matter how many times you ask, the answer is already there if you want to face the reality. Load up the fixture list online and put them in your diary. Asking the player every week if they have a game at the weekend and then looking aghast when the reply is a double header on the road will stress all parties. Just comfort yourself that your other half will be sat discussing your sex life with all of their team mates and watching ridiculous movies on the team bus. But note, what happens on the bus stays on the bus.
I thought the season had finished? Why are they still playing?
This is good news, the team made the Play-Offs baby!
Why are their team mates so offensive on social media?
Hockey players love to take the p*ss out of each other and this extends online. Do not under any circumstances wade in and take offense on behalf of your partner. If a team mate ridicules your partner’s pubic hair style for example then never, ever correct them. This is locker room chat extended and will just add to the ammunition if you get involved.
Easier dating a woman hockey player ? Think again!
Is hockey more important than your relationship?
Hockey is a big commitment and needs to be accepted or left alone. It isn’t personal that your partner prefers to lose teeth and spend hours on the road rather than sit in Nandos and go shopping with you on a weekend. They have been playing for years.. It is what makes them the person you will love.
Does wearing a helmet make them bald?
According to hair experts it shouldn’t have too much effect on baldness, so if you are worried that your partner is going to end up like Patrick Stewart or Skunk Anansie then don’t be.
Should I go to games on the road?
Your time is better spent elsewhere, even if that means ploughing through a box set of Love Island re-runs.
Can I buy a team jersey with my partners name on the back?
You can do whatever you like, but it will look a bit weird and clingy.
The team are having a night out, should I be worried?
Next question.
I fancy a holiday, just how important is hockey?
Look at it this way, you have from May till August to take a long holiday and that doesn’t even put you at the ransom of the school holiday premium prices. June is a great time to have a break with affordable plane fares and non-peak accommodation prices.
Ready to meet the parents?
Why do they have to get to the rink so early before the game?
This is so they can bitch and whine about your moaning behaviour for half an hour before going on the ice. Only joking of course, the players need to arrive early so they can warm up, organise equipment and go through tactics with the coach. Also before you ask why the inter period breaks are so long, let’s just say the Zamboni needs to clear the ice so that the puck can move more smoothly across the surface. Take your Ipad or a good book.
Where can I do more research on hockey and how players behave?
Grab a copy of Slapshot, Youngblood and Goon and have a movie marathon while your partner is down at the rink. Cross your fingers and hope your new partner is more Ned Braden than LaFlamme.
Contact the author: david.carr@prohockeynews.com
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