EPL Roundup – ‘Clear the decks, Mister Iceman.’

SWINDON, UK – So here we are at week 52 which to most people means turkey, drinking to excess, presents and re-runs on the telly. But for those of a more combative disposition it means that time of year has arrived again – Week 1 of the EPL is upon us.
 
Eleventh-hour signings added two more to the Steeldogs roster firstly with Latvian forward Kristaps Pete as their forth import, and then their twenty-third and final signing British D-man Ryan Johnson from the Phoenix who Coach Darlow said had a ‘cannon’ of a shot.
 
Apart from that the remainder of the week was taken up with sabre rattling and cautious quotes. The Phoenix seemed to be the most vocal with Coach Tony Hand saying he felt he had some of the best imports in the EPL and a more ‘balanced’ and ‘hard-working’ team than last season but ‘without loss of skill’ leading him to have ‘great expectations’ for the new season. Days later, following the first full team training session he was more conservative observing ‘They have all got new skates and it takes time to break them in. It was comical at times and it looked as though they couldn’t skate.’ Fair enough, but Hand then added ‘you can see the talent is there. Having said that, it is going to take a few weeks to get into the swing of things.’
 
Also having to get into the swing of Phoenix things was Slovakian Ladislav Harabin who, apparently, doesn’t do English well, and fellow import Ukrainian Pavel Gomenyuk was assisting with translations. However, the Phoenix opened their pre-season games with 7-3 and 6-2 wins over the Steeldogs, the extra skating lessons presumably having paid off.
 
Meanwhile Tigers’ boss Tom Watkins was more positive naming ex-Wildcat Tomas Janak as captain and then declaring, ‘The guys look sharp. I’m not sure how we’ll compare with the other teams but from what I’ve seen we will compete really well.’ His optimism was justified because on Saturday the new boys travelled to Swindon and in a cracking game led all the way through and only conceded the draw in the last minute. Tigers’ forward Marek Hornak, also a previous Wildcats player, said before the game, ‘I liked the environment and fans at Swindon. My split was a business decision, so there are no hard feelings.’ In fact, so much were his feelings not hard he marked his return by leaving a pair of goals there so proving what my old grand-pappy used to say: ‘It is easier to kill a friendly bear than an angry cat.’ How about a wild cat then because the next night the Swindon team travelled to Telford and romped back to their lair clutching a hat-trick from new import Jozef Liska and dragging the 5-3 win behind them.
 
Even more positiver was Jets’ Canadian forward Doug Shepherd who when asked what he thought the Championship-winning Slough team could achieve this year said ‘We will be as strong as anyone…the treble is on our minds and is our goal.’ So there you have it, although a less than auspicious 3-3 draw at Swindon later in the week, a team they beat five games to one last season, suggests some fine tuning is still necessary. However, the fine tuning must have worked because the Jets then exerted a terrible punishment on the Bees, winning 9-2 Saturday and 6-3 the following evening.
 
So, after a first solid defeat on the books by the Bison you might have expected Bees coach Gareth Cox to be a teeny bit pushed looking for positives but to his credit he singled out new arrival Richard Facey, their only scorer against the Bison, for praise, saying ‘I’ve been very impressed with Richard and I think he’s going to surprise a few people.’ The Bees had been without Watt, Ambler and Pelikovsky for this first game and Cox had also said he was prepared to split last years ‘dangerous brothers’ Cesky, Pinc and Watt to gain more depth, so we must wait and see what happens.  
 
The Bison, on the other hand, got off to a storming start with that win over the Bees followed by an impressive 3-1 win at home to the Flames. Bison boss Steve Moria said before the weekend ‘ Guildford have spent a lot during the summer and have a strong team with a lot of depth. After this weekend we will know where we stand with them.’ But despite the win, it was the Flames who opened the scoring and might have done so even earlier had they been able to capitalise on a Tony Redmond penalty. At 3.57 Redmond was given five minutes and a match for ‘accidental’ high sticks after a blood injury to the Flames’ Lukas Smital.
Now drawing blood from an opponent will pretty much automatically also draw you a bigger penalty which is something I don’t understand, especially as in this case it was accidental because it implies the offender had a choice in whether to inflict the injury or not. I give little credence to the argument he should have had more control over his equipment and the mere presence of blood has little bearing on the severity of the injury, accidental or not. And don’t start me on viral contamination. However, the following evening the Flames gained revenge against the Bison 3-2 with all five goals in the first period, so presumably at least Moria’s uncertainty about where he stands has been cleared up. 
 
So the first few actions are over. Rounds have been fired across bows, rigging raked, the odd ball has struck below the water line and in some cases vessels have shown a worrying list to port. And there will be more engagements next week. But seven days from now we will be deep into Week 1 of the war, the campaign will be well and truly under way.
 
‘Sail ho!’ I heard yelled from the cross trees.
‘Where away?’ returned the deck.
‘Three points abaft the starb’d beam, sir.’
The captain slowly turned to me and with a knowing nod and what almost passed for a mischievous grin said, ‘Well, Mister Iceman, it looks like the time has come at last.’
‘Indeed, sir,’ I agreed, gently rocking with anticipation.
The captain returned his gaze to the horizon where a smudge of white was now visible, and raising his telescope said, ‘Clear the decks, if you please Mister Iceman, and beat to quarters. Oh, and break out the hockey sticks!’
 
Yeeeeha!!!
 
 
For more nautical expressions don’t try searching my website – www.iceman-epl.com
Contact the author Bill.Collins@Prohockeynews.com